From: Tess Benser
Date: October 1, 2021
Subject: Center for Women & Gender Equity October 2021 Newsletter


Lilac Background titled Center for Women and Gender Equity October Newsletter

Greetings Golden Rams!

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of the Center for Women & Gender Equity Monthly Newsletter. We are so thrilled to share this month's newsletter with you, as it is our very first edition to be written, designed, and edited entirely by our hardworking team of Peer Educators. Below you will find their work, whcih includes an explainer on why intervening in situations of relationship violence can be challenging, some mental health resource recommendations, a piece on Texas Senate Bill 8 and ongoing restrictions to abortion access in the U.S., some tips and skill building on advocating for people who experience relationship violence, and how to recognize coercion in sexual and romantic relationships.

Today, October 1st, marks the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This month CW&GE will also be embarking on the It's On Us Week of Action. This week will see social media engagement, on campus tabling, and two speaker events on the topic of body policing and sexual violence. We invite you to engage with the content and events listed below to continue to raise awareness and address relationship and sexual violence. 

Best, 
Mx. Tess Benser
(they/them/theirs)
Assistant Director of Outreach & Engagement

 
Content Warning: The Center for Women & Gender Equity supports the course of healing each individual takes after having experienced harm, and we are committed to creating a safe virtual space where our readers feel supported. Please note that the following newsletter content will discuss Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Mental Health Day, and the It's On Us Week of Action. It will contain content addressing consent, coercion, mental illness, relationship violence, reproductive justice, and abortion.  We understand that engaging with this content can be potentially triggering and/or activating for our audience members, so we invite you to take care of yourself by scrolling past these sections or exiting out of this email as needed to honor your feelings around such topics.

Yellow Background with an image on Sonalee Rashatwar(they/he) titled: Upcoming Events. Its on us Speaks

EVENT

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Ribbon Hanging

Friday, October 1
11:00am - 12:00pm
Private Location (register to display)
Link
Add to Google Cal,Outlook,Yahoo,iCal

Did you know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), an annual campaign to raise awareness of all forms of intimate partner and relationship violence and educate communities on how to prevent it. Join the Center for Women & Gender Equity throughout the month of October as we engage the campus community in advocacy work to end violence
in our community and support folks. Follow
the Center for Women & Gender Equity @
wcu_cwge on Instagram or @wcuCWGE on
Facebook for more information or to get involved. Contact the cwge@wcupa.edu to find
out how you or your organization can support
Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

We need your help letting everyone else know by painting WCU purple! Join the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County, the President's Commission on the Status of Women, and the Center for Women & Gender Equity, as we hang purple ribbons all around campus as a symbol of healing and empowerment for those affected by Domestic Violence.
RSVP

EVENT

It's On Us Week of Action

Monday, October 11
12:00pm - 3:00pm
Private Location (register to display)
Link
Add to Google Cal,Outlook,Yahoo,iCal

The mission of It’s On Us is to build a movement
to combat campus sexual assault by engaging
all students, by activating the largest student
organizing program of its kind in grassroots awareness and prevention education programs.
Come learn more and sign the It’s On Us Pledge.
Follow the Center for Women & Gender Equity
@wcu_cwge on Instagram or @wcuCWGE on
Facebook for more information or to get involved.
RSVP
Purple background with image of Sonalee Rashatwar (they/he).
WCU Faculty and Staff are invited to join WCU It's On Us, the Center for Women & Gender Equity, the Counseling Center, and the Office for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion for It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar. Known on Instagram as @thefatsextherapist, Sonalee Rashatwar (they/he) LCSW MEd is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, adjunct lecturer, and grassroots organizer. and have been working in the field of anti-violence for 10+ years. They will be speaking on sexual violence and harm and its connection to state violence and the culture of body policing in the United States.

This event will be hosted virtually on zoom and is open to faculty and staff at WCU. 

This event is sponsored by the 2021 PA Governor's It's On Us Grant, and is made possible by our generous campus partners in The Counseling Center, Center for Trans and Queer Advocacy, Women & Gender Studies, Peace & Conflict Studies, Youth Empowerment & Urban Studies, Graduate Social Work, Undergraduate Social Work, the Fraternal Programming Board, and Campus Recreation. 


Register Here.
Black background with photo of Sonalee Rashatwar (they/he) and the It's On Us Speaks logo.
Join WCU It's On Us, the Center for Women & Gender Equity, the Counseling Center, and the Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion for It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar. They will be speaking on sexual violence and harm and it’s connection to state violence and the culture of body policing & monitoring in the United States. 

This will be a virtual event with an optional, in-person live stream party in the Sykes Theatre. 

This event is sponsored by the 2021 PA Governor's It's On Us Grant, and is made possible by our generous campus partners in The Counseling Center, Center for Trans and Queer Advocacy, Women & Gender Studies, Peace & Conflict Studies, Youth Empowerment & Urban Studies, Graduate Social Work, Undergraduate Social Work, the Fraternal Programming Board, and Campus Recreation. 

Sonalee Rashatwar (they/he) LCSW MEd is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, adjunct lecturer, and grassroots organizer. Based in Philly (licensed in NJ and PA), they are a superfat queer bisexual non-binary therapist and co-owner of Radical Therapy Center, specialized in treating sexual trauma, diet trauma, racial or immigrant trauma, and South Asian family abuse, while offering fat positive sexual healthcare.

Popularly known as TheFatSexTherapist on Instagram, their notoriety first peaked when they were featured on Breitbart in March 2018 for naming thinness as a white supremacist beauty ideal. And they continue to draw the ire of white supremacists everywhere with controversial statements on intersectional fat liberation since then. Sonalee is a sought-after speaker who travels internationally to curate custom visual workshops that whisper to our change-making spirit and nourish our vision for a more just future.

Sonalee received their Master of Social Work and Master of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University in 2016 and have been working in the field of anti-violence for 10+ years.

This event is free and open to the public.

Register Here

Ruby Jones Conference on Race, Social Justice & Civic Leadership - Registration Deadline October 1stRuby Jones Conference on Race, Social Justice & Civic Leadership  Registration Deadline October 1st!
Saturday, October 9, 2021 | 10:00 AM - 3:00 PM
Register Now: tinyurl.com/wcurjc21
The Ruby Jones Conference on Race, Social Justice, & Civic Leadership is designed to create an educational environment where students can engage in learning that will raise awareness and promote action-oriented dialogue about racial, cultural and social issues that impact how they experience life on campus, in communities and in society.   Professor Ruby Jones was a West Chester University alumna and was also the first Black faculty hired at the institution. Ruby was a K-12 educator prior to becoming a professor at WCU. She was actively involved with the NAACP, the YWCA and the American Association of University Women. She has been described as an educator, humanitarian and civic leader.   2021 Keynote Speaker: Dr. Jamila Lyiscott Nationally renowned and viral TED speaker, social justice education scholar and activist, spoken word artist, and educational consultant.  To best accommodate conference participants, registration for the 2021 Ruby Jones Conference is limited to West Chester University students, faculty and staff. For questions, please contact the Dowdy Multicultural Center at multicultural@wcupa.edu or 610-436-3273.

 

American INSIGHT's 2021 Free Speech Award Ceremony hosted by WCU

Saturday, October 9, 2021 | 3-5 PM | Sykes Theater

Featuring a conversation with Nettie Washington Douglass and Paul Oakley Stovall moderated by Karen Curry, followed by announcement and screening of the winning film and interview with the filmmaker.

Nettie Washington Douglass is the great-great-granddaughter of Frederick Douglass and the great-granddaughter of Booker T. Washington. She is the cofounder and chairwoman of the Frederick Douglass Family Initiative, an organization that promotes racial equity and social justice.

Paul Oakley Stovall is currently playing George Washington in the national tour of Hamilton. He is working on a song cycle about Frederick Douglass's experience in Ireland and has collaborated with the Irish Institute for Music and Song.

Tickets are free but advance registration is required.

Register here: https://www.wcupa.edu/oca/conferenceServices/forms/awardCeremony/

Events

Friday, October 1
Start End   Event         Location
1:00pm 2:00pm Queer Basics Training Private Location (register to display)
Tuesday, October 5
11:00am 1:00pm Off Campus Housing Fair Private Location (register to display)
5:00pm 7:00pm The EVERYbody project Counseling Center
Wednesday, October 6
1:00pm 3:00pm 4th Annual Queer Pride Day Private Location (register to display)
7:00pm 9:00pm Understanding Opioid Use Disorders and Responding to Overdose Emergencies Sykes Theater (Sykes Hall Room 005)
Thursday, October 7
4:00pm 5:00pm Latinx Heritage Month Social Justice Education Conversation Series Private Location (register to display)
Monday, October 11
1:00pm 2:00pm Ram I Am: Coming Out Week Private Location (register to display)
Wednesday, October 13
9:00am 4:00pm Public Service & Volunteer Fair Private Location (register to display)
1:00pm 3:00pm From Allyship to Advocacy Training Private Location (register to display)
Friday, October 22
8:00am 1:00pm Women's Entrepreneurship Conference West Chester University Foundation
1:00pm 2:00pm Ram I Am: Ace/Aro Week Private Location (register to display)
White and lilac text on a purple background read, "The intricacies of domestic and intimate partner violence: why we may not get involved." There is also a graphic of a white globe with a purple ribbon.

The Intricacies of Domestic & Intimate Partner Violence: Why We May Not Get Involved
By Jocelyn Brown (she/her)

 

     When thinking about domestic violence, college students may not be the first population that comes to mind. Most people think of domestic violence situations where the couple is married with children. Although this is unfortunately a common scenario, college students should still take note of surrounding relationships. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline) defines domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence) simply as “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” Therefore, it is more than just physical abuse, and it can happen to anyone. In fact, in the United States, women ages 16 to 24, around a typical college experience, are three times as likely to experience domestic violence (Steiner). Of course, people of all genders can experience relationship violence, as well. 

     If relationship violence is a real possibility on college campuses, as it is everywhere, then why do people tend not to get involved in these situations? Why are there so many bystanders? One reason is this incomplete perception of abuse itself. It is difficult to know when to step in, or even know that abuse is happening at all, because abusers hide the extent of their abuse very well. Many abusive partners instead appear like the ideal partner in the early stages of the relationship, so friends and family will let their guard down. The Hotline also lists out relationship red flags to look out for, and many of them can apply to college relationships, such as extreme jealousy and pressuring their partner into big decisions. But of course, these non-physical signs are difficult to notice and measure. While The Hotline emphasizes that the presence of just one or two of these red flags is enough to elicit concern, outsiders looking at the relationship are often hesitant to accuse anyone of such a label without definitive proof. 

     The second reason is the perception of the person who has experienced harm.  The victim’s identity can be a deciding factor in if they will seek legal aid, and if others will intervene. For example, The Hotline writes, “While abuse among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning plus (LGBTQ+) people occur at the same rates and in similar ways as their heterosexual peers, LGBTQ+ people may face forms of abuse or barriers to accessing support specifically based on prejudices against their gender expression or sexuality.” Furthermore, Dr. Heather Lovatt from the Queensland Centre for Domestic and Family Violence Research explains how people tend to perceive victims as entirely responsible for their situations. They ask the people harmed, “How could YOU let this happen? Why didn’t YOU say anything?” People may not intervene if they perceive intervention to be futile or lose empathy for the victim. Negative attitudes towards victims of domestic abuse are much higher if they return to their abuser (Wee et al.). 

     The third reason is a person’s perception of themselves. Research has found that the greatest deciding factors in bystander intervention in domestic violence situations are the bystander’s identity, attitudes, personal feelings of responsibility, and knowledge of the issue: but most of all, their perceived self-efficacy. Would they be successful while intervening, or would they just make things worse? For the other factors, facets of their identity prevent them from feeling comfortable or safe while intervening. All of these factors interacting can be clearly seen in an article by Veronica Quinonez titled, “Bystander Paralysis: It Happens to Everyone – Even Domestic Violence Experts.” Quinonez holds a Master of Arts degree in Conflict Resolution and works in violence prevention and victim services. However, when she overheard a situation of domestic violence in her apartment complex, Quinonez froze. If she called the police, it may harm her community, a primarily Black and Latino neighborhood. She weighed the options. Quinonez describes the moment: “I had information paralysis. It was almost like having too much information was making it harder for me to do something. I didn’t want to cause harm.” In the end, the hardest thing to accept is that there may not be a completely right decision in these situations.

     Although these factors can limit a person’s ability to successfully intervene in intimate partner violence situations, we can still improve the campus culture at large. Dr. Lovatt writes that a community’s social norms play a large role in all kinds of violence prevention, and a college campus is no different. There are many ways to create the norm that domestic violence is discussed in a comprehensive and respectful way, but one concrete method that Dr. Lovatt recommends is overcoming the diffusion of responsibility. Instead of asking the people harmed questions about their responsibility, the community asks itself, “How could I/WE let this happen in our community? How can I/WE learn to say something?” Similarly, Quinonez recommends calling out victim-blaming or the normalization of abuse in everyday interactions. People can also familiarize themselves with the domestic violence resources in the community and listen to and believe their loved ones. See Holland’s article for some of those very resources in the West Chester community. In Quinonez’s words, “Intervention is like a spectrum, and it is crucial that we do all we can to help in our own way.”

. . .

     For more information, visit these sources:

Steiner, Leslie Morgan. “Why Domestic Violence Victims Don’t Leave.” YouTube, produced by TED, 25 Jan. 2013, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo.

“Understand Relationship Abuse.” The Hotline, 15 June 2021, www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/understand-relationship-abuse/. 

Lovatt, Heather. “The Bystander Effect and Domestic Violence.” Queensland Centre for Domestic and Family Violence Research, https://noviolence.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/The-Bystander-Effect-and-Domestic-Violence.pdf. 

Quinonez, Veronica. “Bystander Paralysis: It Happens to Everyone – Even Domestic Violence Experts.” National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 15 Feb. 2021, https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/bystander-paralysis-it-happens-to-everyone--even-domestic-violence-experts. 

Wee, Sara, et al. “Modifiers of Neighbors' Bystander Intervention in Intimate Partner Violence: A Concept Mapping Study.” Violence and Gender, vol. 3, no. 1, 1 Mar. 2016, pp. 55–63, https://doi.org/10.1089/vio.2015.0012.

A navy blue background with white and green lettering, saying, "October 10: Mental Health Matters Recommendations" and with a globe and a green ribbon in the top left corner.
October 10: Mental Health Matters Recommendations
By Jocelyn Brown (she/her)

     October 10, 2021, is World Mental Health Day. For the World Health Organization, the goal of every year’s campaign is to raise awareness of mental concerns around the world and provide access to materials that help people best support themselves and others. Of course, this year’s campaign is most influenced by the pandemic, and you can read about the WHO’s specific goals here. The WHO writes, “On World Mental Health Day, 10 October, it will have been more than 18 months since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. In some countries, life is returning to some semblance of normality; in others, rates of transmission and hospital admissions remain high, disrupting the lives of families and communities. In all countries, the pandemic has had a major impact on people’s mental health.” 

     West Chester University is privileged to be a part of this ‘return to normality,’ as well as to have ample access to vaccines. However, we also acknowledge that the return to in-person classes and campus living is going to be a stressful, scary time for the student body. There are still a lot of unknowns and difficult conversations about life going forward to be had. Therefore, like the WHO, I want to provide a few online and interactive mental health resources. These will hopefully keep you grounded and stay mindful of yourself and others in these uncertain times. 

  • West Chester Counseling Services: Of course, I want to highlight the resources that our community has already collected. In particular, check out the Counseling Center’s YouTube channel, where they offer mindfulness exercises and coping strategies. 

  • Humanity & Resiliency Project: Also as a part of our Counseling Center, the Humanity & Resiliency Project aims to connect students and help them celebrate their shared humanity and vulnerability. The project includes a list of resources aimed toward this goal. One such site is Berkeley’s Greater Good in Action, which is short practices such as Mindful Breathing, based on actual scientific studies to help you live a good life.

  • You Feel Like Sh*t: This website describes itself as a “self-care game.” You answer questions designed to help lead you towards the main reasons that you might be feeling bad at that particular moment. Then, it gives you small, actionable suggestions you can take to improve your mental health.

  • Finding Steady Ground: This website’s mission is “strengthening our spirits to resist and thrive in these times.” They provide 7 behaviors that people can use to strengthen their mental health in times of turmoil. You can also sign up for their email list, which sends out 7 corresponding emails that further explain how to implement these behaviors.

  • Mental Health America’s 10 Tools: Mental Health America (MHA) has a guide on living your life well that includes 10 pages on explaining and achieving their top self-care tips, such as “Create joy and satisfaction.” They also have an article specifically on Overcoming Pandemic Re-Entry Anxiety.

     These websites are just quick tools to help you cope in the moment. Please don't be afraid to seek professional help if you are able to or at least reach out to the Counseling Center. After all, the WHO's slogan for this year is "Mental health care for all: let’s make it a reality."

Photo titled Reproductive Rights surrounded by a collage of images related to reproductive justice such as "Abortion is Essential Healthcare," " I support reproductive rights for people of all genders," etc.

SB8: Texas’s War on Abortion
By Dana Pratt (she/her)


    Headlines fill newspaper stands and infographics flood our social media pages. For most of us, the recent Texas state law passed, S.B.8.,  seems too awful to be true. Even in places where reproductive rights exist, they are not accessible for everyone, and now for folks in Texas, they do not even have that. Screaming for bodily autonomy for almost 20 years of my life leaves my throat dry and unable to heal. The supporter of this bill is Governor Greg Abbott. We see more and more how politicians make decisions about citizens’ rights to undergo or terminate biological processes that they do not understand, most of them have never even experienced them firsthand.

     After the initial anger of “Why did they do this?”, we transition to the “How can they do this?” stage. This is something that many people are asking. Luckily, we have political scientists and other informed people to explain how this law slips through the hands of our human rights. Senate Bill 8 is the first of its kind to pass through the supreme court and go into effect. Texas lawmakers have coined this the “heartbeat law” which essentially bans abortions at or after 6 weeks of pregnancy, making no exceptions for cases of rape or incest. The misnomer of this law is the term “heartbeat.” A fetus’s heart does not develop until nearly the 20th week of pregnancy, and in most cases, “If you are less than seven weeks pregnant, it's unlikely to find a heartbeat by ultrasound” (VeryWellFamily). At this point in the pregnancy, the small clump of cells is not even considered a fetus, it is an embryo. This embryo is so small that in many cases ultrasounds cannot identify cardiac activity. Further, hormone levels of HCG, the pregnancy hormone, are sometimes too minimal to be picked up in an at-home pregnancy test. Further, for people that experience menstrual cycles, we know all too well that so many things can cause your period to be late, or not come at all. Below is a compiled list of reasons why a menstrual cycle could change other than pregnancy.
  • Weight Changes
  • Increased Exercise
  • Secondary Amenorrhea (https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001219.htm) 
  • Sleep Schedule Changes
  • Medication 
  • Aspirin and other medicines (called blood thinners) that prevent blood clots.
  • Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), such as ibuprofen (for example, Advil or Motrin) and naproxen (for example, Aleve).
  • Hormonal forms of birth control, such as birth control pills, Depo-Provera injections, Nexplanon implants, and the levonorgestrel IUD (Mirena).
  • Hormone therapy.
  • Medicines used to treat cancer (chemotherapy).
  • Thyroid medicines
  • Stress
  • PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome)
  • Chronic Conditions
  • Menopause
  • Cold/Sickness
     As shown above, these are just a handful of circumstances that could affect the menstrual cycle from functioning regularly. It is also necessary to mention that most people do not know that they are pregnant at 6 weeks. So how did this law pass?According to an article in The Atlantic, “The key… was not to criminalize abortions. Instead, the state has authorized private citizens in the state- quite literally any private citizen—to file lawsuits against anyone who performs or ‘knowingly aids or abets’ an abortion after the sixth week of pregnancy. When plaintiffs in these suits succeed—and many inevitably will—they will receive at least $10,000 from defendants and an injunction preventing a provider from performing any more abortions after six weeks of pregnancy.” 

     By doing this, the state is not technically infringing on human rights of any kind because it is not the “state” shutting down abortion centers or criminalizing people directly. Essentially, this law is fueled by fear of being sued or “tattled on” for seeking any abortion services. On September 9th, the Justice Department sued the state of Texas over this ban. The lawsuit reads that ‘The state enacted the law “in open defiance of the Constitution.”’ As for any progress on getting rid of the bill, “The Justice Department is seeking a permanent injunction from a federal court in the Western District of Texas. But it's likely the U.S. Supreme Court will have the final word on the matter” (npr.org). It is important to note that this law is an issue outside the gender binary, and that is why it needs our attention so urgently. The below design offers a hyperlink to ways that citizens can help support people in knowing that their bodily autonomy is a human right and that we believe that this fight is an important one. 
- Click the Reproductive Justice Collage to find a list of ways you can help!
Image with blue background and 3 smaller images, Photos of protests and statistic that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime. Title states "Advocacy in Action", Subtitle states "guidel

Why is it important to be an advocate for those
impacted by relationship violence?
By Holland Morgan (they/them)

    Domestic and intimate partner violence can impact a person’s life in a multitude of ways, such as physical or mental harm, financial stability, impact on children, and housing.  It is possible to be an advocate from both micro and macro perspectives.  Community advocacy can consist of working or volunteering for organizations that provide services to survivors or creating spaces for group support.  Being an advocate systemically can mean supporting survivors and making them aware of their rights as they go through the process of working within courts or law enforcement.  Advocacy on an individual basis can range from being there for a loved one or providing resources to a survivor.  Relationship violence can take place in a range of environments in and outside the home, so it is important to stay aware and realize that any positive intervention can make a world of difference. Below is a guide on ways to support someone in your life seeking help and a list of local resources that can be provided.
 

How you can help a friend or loved impacted by relationship violence
 
Be a non-judgmental listener: Avoid questions like “Why does she stay with him?” or  “Why is he letting her do that?” Ask what you can do: Do not assume you already know what action they would like you to take.
Validate the abuse is wrong: Confirm what you recognize as “red flags” or what is not part of a healthy relationship.  Share information: If the victim is isolated by their abuser, share safety information and resources, so when they are ready to leave they can.
Let your loved one feel in control: Control plays a major role in abusive relationships, so don’t tell the person what they should do to fix the situation, empower them to make decisions for themselves. Offer to be there: Aid the person you want to help by going with them to important meetings such as court or to a domestic violence center.
If you see something, say something: If you notice any signs of physical injury or change in behavior, check if everything is ok and show that you are there for them. Provide a safe space for belongings: If your loved one is at risk of injury or planning an exit Strategy, offer to store important documents, clothes, and necessities.
Never say “I told you so”: It can be difficult to watch someone leave and return to an unhealthy relationship, but do not judge them for it.  Provide them with the support to get out and stay out. Take care of yourself: Be sure to also take care of yourself, any positive intervention that you can provide could make a world of difference.

     Go to SanctuaryForFamilies.org for more in-depth information on domestic violence and broader gender violence.

Local Resources to provide to those impacted by domestic violence 

Domestic Violence Center of Chester County, located at 1001 Lincoln Hwy E #103, Coatesville, PA 19320

  • 24-Hour, free hotline 888-711-6270 or 610-431-1430
  • Offer housing resources, counseling, legal services, public education 

West Chester Planned Parenthood, (610) 692-1770, located at 8 S Wayne St, West Chester PA

  • Offers general medical care and abortion/pregnancy services 
  • Also provides information on healthy relationships and consent 

Crime Victims’ Center of Chester County (CVC),  (610) 692-1926, located at 135 W. Market Street, West Chester, PA

  • Provides free and confidential support to members of the West Chester community who have been victims of any type of crime. 
  • Offer court and hospital accompaniment also can assign an advocate to help victims, significant others, and family members through the entire process

Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline

  • 24-Hour hotline available, (866) 723-3014
  • The hotline can direct you to emergency housing and shelter programs 

Congreso de Latinos Unidos, (215) 763-8870216, located at  W Somerset St, Philadelphia, PA

  • Offers counseling and advocacy programs to survivors of relationship violence and children who have witnessed or experienced violence 
  • Also offer services for family, housing, education, and other realms of wellness 
     

A dark purple banner with the words "Sex Education:" in white and the words "Consent and Coercion" in light purple. In the top left corner, it says "October 2021" in white letters. The bottom right corner has outlines of two
Sex Education: Consent and Coercion
By Callie Anderson (she/her)


     During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it is beneficial to learn about sexual violence and how it can occur even within a relationship. Within this section, our focus is on consent and some areas of consent that are often overlooked. In this context, sex will refer to any and all sexual activity because the definition of sex can vary from person to person.

     Giving and receiving consent in relationships should be an ongoing conversation. Just because you’ve consented to something before or in a previous relationship, doesn’t mean that you consent to it forever. Consent is not a given. Also, consent isn’t a free pass, meaning that consenting to one act does not mean consenting to another act. Consent can be taken back at any time, even in the middle of sex. If you’re unable to say no because you’re asleep, unconscious, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol making you physically helpless or mentally incapacitated, you cannot consent. 

     Another important aspect of consent is that you shouldn’t be pressured to say yes or feel afraid to say no. If someone is threatening you or pressuring you to agree, then you did not consent. This type of attempt to control your behavior through manipulation and threats is called coercion.

     Oftentimes, people think of a stranger committing sexual violence against someone else. In reality, anyone--a partner, a boss, a friend, a family member--can commit sexual violence and use coercion to pressure someone into having sex even if they don’t want to. 

     When trying to figure out if someone is using coercive behavior when trying to initiate sex, some things to consider include the person’s intent, whether you’ve already said no to them, and their reaction to you saying no.

     Let's look at some examples of sexual coersion.

Social Pressure

  • Suggesting something is wrong with you

  • “Don’t you think it’s time? Don’t be such a prude.”
Emotional Manipulation

  • Making you feel empathetic toward them

  • “I’ve had such a hard week. I need this. It will make everything better.”

  • Using body language (stomping off, slamming a door, sighing) to express disappointment

  • Refusing to talk to you until you agree to sex
Guilt-Tripping

  • Taking advantage of your care for them, so you feel bad that you refused

  • Making you feel like you owe them sex

  • “I’ve been so lonely lately. I really need you.”

  • “You must not love me. You must be cheating if you don’t want to have sex.”
Denying Affection

  • Even if you don’t consent to one type of sexual activity, you still might want to do something else

  • A partner could shut down, leave abruptly, or made rude comments, which deny you affection and make you feel bad for saying no
Put Downs

  • Making you feel bad about yourself

  • “You should feel grateful I’m with you when I could be with anyone right now.”

  • “Good luck finding someone else who wants to sleep with you.”
Badgering, Insisting

  • Repeated requests for sex after you’ve already said no

  • “But you said we could have sex tonight. You already agreed.”

  • “I’m so turned on right now. I can’t stop. We have to keep going.”
Threats

  • Threatening to hurt you or someone else if you say no

  • Threatening to dump you

  • Threatening to jeopardize your career or education
 

      Now that we know some examples of coercion, what can we do in the moment?

      If it is safe, you can call them out in a direct and firm way. For example, you could say, “I already said that I don’t want to have sex. Trying to pressure me won’t make me change my mind.” Another option could be, “I’d like to hang out, but I’m not interested in having sex. Let’s choose a movie to watch instead.” Again, your safety is the top priority, so take that into account when addressing the situation.

      If they don’t drop the issue, you could leave or call a trusted family member or friend to pick you up to get you out of the situation. In a school or job environment, you could say no and then go directly to the counseling center or human resources office.

      Sexual coercion is a type of sexual assault, so it may be beneficial to have more resources or someone to talk to about these situations.

The RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) hotline is 800-656-4673.

Love Is Respect has an online chat. You could text LOVEIS to 22522. Or you could call their hotline at 1-866-331-9474.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be called at 1-866-799-7233. You could also chat online or text START to 88788.

Some other resources to learn more about sexual coercion are from the federal government’s Office on Women’s Health, KMD Law, and DomesticShelthers.

It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar Logo

EVENT

It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar

Thursday, October 14, 2021
6:00pm - 8:00pm
Private Location (register to display)
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Join WCU It's On Us, the Center for Women & Gender Equity, the Counseling Center, and the Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion for It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar. They will be speaking on sexual violence and harm and it's connection to state violence and the culture of body policing & monitoring in the United States.

This will be a virtual event with an optional, in-person live stream party in the Sykes Ballrooms.

This event is sponsored by the 2021 PA Governor's It's On Us Grant, and is made possible by our generous campus partners in The Counseling Center, Center for Trans and Queer Advocacy, Women & Gender Studies, Peace & Conflict Studies, Youth Empowerment & Urban Studies, Graduate Social Work, Undergraduate Social Work, the Fraternal Programming Board, and Campus Recreation.


Sonalee Rashatwar (they/he) LCSW MEd is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, adjunct lecturer, and grassroots organizer. Based in Philly (licensed in NJ and PA), they are a superfat queer bisexual non-binary therapist and co-owner of Radical Therapy Center, specialized in treating sexual trauma, diet trauma, racial or immigrant trauma, and South Asian family abuse, while offering fat positive sexual healthcare.

Popularly known as TheFatSexTherapist on Instagram, their notoriety first peaked when they were featured on Breitbart in March 2018 for naming thinness as a white supremacist beauty ideal. And they continue to draw the ire of white supremacists everywhere with controversial statements on intersectional fat liberation since then. Sonalee is a sought-after speaker who travels internationally to curate custom visual workshops that whisper to our change-making spirit and nourish our vision for a more just future.

Sonalee is not paid for their labor as a community organizer, where they have fundraised and facilitated a free five-day political action summer camp for LGBT+ South Asian and Indo Caribbean youth. Sonalee received their Master of Social Work and Master of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University in 2016 and have been working in the field of anti-violence for 10+ years.
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Faculty & Staff It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar Logo

EVENT

Faculty & Staff It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar

Thursday, October 14, 2021
1:00pm - 2:30pm
Private Location (register to display)
Add to Google Cal, Outlook, Yahoo, iCal

Faculty & staff are invited to join the Center for Women & Gender Equity and WCU It's On Us for It's On Us Speaks: Body Policing & Sexual Violence with Sonalee Rashatwar. Known on Instagram as @thefatsextherapist, Sonalee Rashatwar (they/he) LCSW MEd is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, adjunct lecturer, and grassroots organizer. and have been working in the field of anti-violence for 10+ years. They will be speaking on sexual violence and harm and its connection to state violence and the culture of body policing in the United States.
REGISTER